It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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