return my video game
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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