i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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