Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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