i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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