it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You made out with two different species that night
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Ladies don't puke and tell
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
