hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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