god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize