This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
