he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
