But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
