omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
