i barfeds in our rink
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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