y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
did i walk over a car last night?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
