sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
