I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
