You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
