It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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