Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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