He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
