Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
