My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
im six kinds of drunk right now
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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