If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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