forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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