I can tuck mytits in my pants
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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