I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm like, not good at living.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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