If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
