last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
