My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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