i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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