It's like God shit irony all over that family
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
