Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
