Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
