Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
