You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
