I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
