it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
