I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
