No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
