So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
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I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
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this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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