You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
