I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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