Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did we convert life to cartoon?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Randomize