is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
