my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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