am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
