Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
