I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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