So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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