If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Randomize
