im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
