neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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