I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
