He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
