yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
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I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
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I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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