Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
