you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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