i permit you to call me
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
