now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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