I think I am morally bankrupt
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Holy shit dude........stairs
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
