So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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