There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
