Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
