She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
