How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
